Why Do We Care About What People Think of Us? And How to Overcome It.

Humans are social creatures by nature. From the moment we enter the world, we are surrounded by a web of relationships, each one shaping our perceptions and influencing our behavior. And at the heart of these interactions lies a fundamental desire: the need to be accepted, to be liked, to have our worth validated by others.

This innate craving for social approval is deeply ingrained in our psychology. It's a survival mechanism, a relic of our evolutionary past when cooperation and acceptance were essential for our very existence. But in the modern world, where we are constantly connected and bombarded with opinions, this desire can become a burden, a source of anxiety and self-doubt.

The Evolutionary Basis of Social Concern

As social creatures, we have evolved to thrive within groups. Our survival and reproductive success depended on our ability to cooperate, form alliances, and avoid ostracism. For our ancestors, being cast out from the tribe meant facing the harsh realities of life alone, with limited access to resources and protection from predators.

This innate fear of isolation and rejection has been deeply embedded in our psychology, leading to an almost reflexive tendency to seek approval and avoid disapproval. We crave the acceptance and validation of our peers, seeking their positive reinforcement to bolster our sense of self-worth.

The Social Approval Paradox

Our pursuit of social approval is often driven by a fear of rejection, a fear of being ostracized or judged. We worry about what others think of us, how we are perceived, and whether we measure up to their expectations.

This fear can manifest in various ways:

1. We may constantly censor our behavior, trying to conform to perceived norms and avoid disapproval.

2. We may seek validation through external achievements, believing that our worth is determined by our social status, popularity, or material possessions.

3. We may become overly sensitive to criticism, taking even constructive feedback as a personal attack.

The Hidden Costs of Seeking Approval

While the desire for social approval is natural, its excessive pursuit comes with hidden costs.

1. It can stifle our individuality and prevent us from expressing our true selves.

2. It can lead to a constant state of self-consciousness and insecurity.

3. It can hinder our personal growth and prevent us from taking risks.

4. It can damage our relationships, as we become more concerned with pleasing others than being genuine.

Productivity Tricks to Overcome the Need for Approval

So, how do we break free from the shackles of social approval and embrace our authentic selves? Here are some productivity tricks that can help:

1. Cultivate Self-Acceptance

Genuine self-acceptance is the foundation of overcoming the need for approval. It's about recognizing your inherent worth, regardless of external validation.

1. Practice self-compassion: Instead of dwelling on your flaws, focus on your strengths and forgive yourself for your mistakes.

2. Engage in self-reflection: Take time for introspection, understanding your values, beliefs, and what truly matters to you.

2. Redefine Your Measure of Success

Stop measuring your worth by others' opinions and instead define your own criteria for success.

1. Focus on intrinsic motivation: Find joy and fulfillment in your pursuits, rather than seeking external validation.

2. Celebrate personal achievements: Recognize and appreciate your accomplishments, no matter how small they may seem.

3. Set Healthy Boundaries

Establish clear boundaries between your personal values and the expectations of others.

1. Learn to say no: Don't feel obligated to please everyone; it's okay to decline requests that conflict with your values or well-being.

2. Surround yourself with supportive individuals: Choose friends and colleagues who respect your boundaries and encourage your authentic self.

4. Practice Mindfulness

Mindfulness helps you stay grounded in the present moment, reducing the impact of external judgments.

1. Engage in mindful activities: Practice meditation or deep breathing exercises to cultivate inner peace and clarity.

2. Challenge negative thoughts: When faced with self-doubt, question the validity of those thoughts and reframe them in a more positive light.

5. Seek Professional Help

If the need for social approval is causing significant distress or hindering your life, consider seeking professional help.

1. A therapist can provide guidance and support in developing healthier coping mechanisms and building self-esteem.

2. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) is a particularly effective approach for addressing anxiety and self-doubt.

Remember, the journey to overcoming the need for approval is a process, not a destination. There will be ups and downs, moments of self-doubt and setbacks. But with consistent effort and self-compassion, you can break free from the shackles of external validation and embrace your authentic self.

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